Ya Big Pineapple Head!

Shelia Cope taught me so many lessons.

Literally, as my best Sunday School teacher. And also in general by the way she lived and treated me and everyone who knew her as her dearest friend. So many moments related to Sheila Cope are so poignant in my mind and have only become more so as I've experienced more of life.

The way she looked, for example. Most everything about Sis. Cope was long. She had a long face with a long, round mouth that smiled a huge smile for a long time because she was always smiling. She had a long frame and wore long skirts and had long eyelashes that fluttered so often with laughter and long fingers with long fake fingernails that pointed out so many valuable scriptures to my young, learning mind. Not long about Sis. Cope? Her beautiful gray hair, which stuck out short, short all over her long head. Which is where my Dad, after recently calling her as his new Relief Society President, answered the phone to her call and said, "Sheila Cope, ya big pineapple head!"

She also had long patience and a long sense of humor, which is why she drew a picture of a big pineapple on our signature bathroom wall after that. No offense taken, Bishop!

So much to say about Sis. Cope! She was, as I said, the best Sunday School teacher I ever had. She taught me things about Nephi's vision, something I had studied countless times before under the tutelage of other very great teachers, that I had never learned before. She made us think, she made us wonder about the gospel and helped us form our own testimonies where other teachers didn't quite know how to let that happen. She knew the scriptures so well. She loved them, too, loved studying them and loved sharing them with our young spirits. Such a great, great gospel teacher.

She sang in some kind of quartet or otherwise and I went to watch her perform one time. She wore a great long, blond wig for her performance and though I can't remember what was going on, it sticks in my mind as something totally ok for her to do because she was fun loving and not easily embarrassed.

And there's another lesson--her lighthearted love. She was so young at heart! So much loud laughter and clever joking and fun willingness. Such a good friend because she was so full of love!

As you can tell from my use of tenses, Sheila Cope is gone now. But even in her death she taught me some of the most valuable and most poignant lessons.

The phone call, for one. I had never been present when news of a death was first shared. But I remember that Christmas break we were in the basement and my mom got a call from Sis. Griggs and it was so solemnly received that I was very scared at first that something had happened to Sarah. But I had never seen my mom so sad. No time to clean up or toughen up before passing the news onto her children. And of course a tough woman like my mom would be sad about news like that, because Sheila Cope was such a dear friend to my tough ol mom. And there is nothing so sad as a sudden, young death like Sis. Cope's. That was indeed a very sad moment and a very important glimpse for me, though I didn't know how much it would help me later, of the tender emotions always present underneath my brave mom's seemingly impenetrable shell.

I remember picturing Sis. Cope in her driveway, shoveling the snow before she died. Of course she was doing something serviceable like that. Of course.

And then more lessons at the funeral. I've grown to like funerals less and less as I've experienced more and more of them, and looking back on that one now, I can see the same misery all over her family member's faces that I know now. I, awkward and young and inexperienced in death, was too shy to approach them, so while my dad did, I went to look in her casket. You know it was crazy. That wasn't the first dead body I'd seen. But I looked in at her laying there and knew instantly that the body before me was nothing more--just a body! My testimony of the resurrection, of the spirit, of our call to do more after death was fortified in looking at Sis. Cope in that moment. Because something in me absolutely protested at the thought of Sheila Cope actually just laying still for any amount of time. I knew with a surety that she was very busily running about, talking to people, sharing the gospel, teaching the scriptures, serving people! I knew it! I knew her body was just a mortal shell and her spirit was still busy serving Heavenly Father. Such a clear, distinct impression to me. A hard one to share, because death is so devastating. But in my relatively untouched emotional realm then, that was the thought I had at the side of Sis. Cope's coffin.

One more very hard one, one that has become harder as I've recalled it when looking at my mother-in-law and my own mom and my husband and Bro. Cox and myself. A few days after the funeral, the normal gang gathered at the church to play some late night volleyball. Towards the end of the night, a figure appeared in the doorway of the gym and we all stopped playing to talk to the man. It was Bro. Cope. It was his responsibility to close up the building each night, and there he was a few days after his wife's funeral, just doing his job. That was one thing. The other main thing--man it was hard. I was so young! I couldn't even know what was going on! But I looked at that guy leaned up against the door frame, smiling because he was talking to us, but I just saw a gray outline. His whole soul was visibly broken. I saw it--I saw his shattered heart. I saw him be so sad, I saw him not even really being there, just being there. I saw it then and now I can see it so clearly in my own reflection that that image is so hard. But it was a lesson, again, from Sis. Cope. Her marriage was the most important thing in her and her husband's lives. I could tell by looking at that brokenhearted man leaned up against that door frame, only smiling cus his soul was too devastated to not.

I've thought a lot about all of these things, and thought a lot about them when Billy's dad died. I have Sheila Cope to thank for the gospel knowledge that I learned to love at an early age and so many other lessons on grief and love and service that have helped me see things in a different light, especially when there doesn't seem to be a lot of light to work with. Thank you, thank you, Sis. Cope. I will always be grateful for your friendship and lessons.

Small Packages!

We all know it's true that big things come in small packages, and little Nancy Kryscynski is the epitome of this rule.

For though she has
a small body (smallest in her class, on her team, in her ward, in her family)
small eyes (squinty just like her mom's when she smiles)
a small voice (gentle and kind no matter what she's saying)
small legs (one of my strides is 12 of hers)
a small mouth (a lollipop is just barely too big)
small years (she is only 4)
small arms (she may be raising her hand, but you might miss it!)
small clothes (so, so cute, but small nonetheless)
a small growth on her ear (which I can't identify but for some reason endears her to me)
and a small wave (just barely peeking over the sacrament pew as she looks back at me)

she also has
a HUGE smile that lights up a room and your heart
HUGE amounts of love to anyone who says hi to her
HUGE running skills since she could outrun and run longer than most of the kids on her cross country team
HUGE abs, allowing her to also out-superman everyone, including her mom
a HUGE brain, memorizes primary songs and Articles of Faith better than the 12 year olds
HUGE faith in the Savior and
HUGE ability to be like Him
HUGE hugs that somehow wrap you up even though she's only the size of your thigh
HUGE singing skills that never fail the whole primary
HUGE love for her family that is evident in the way she plays
HUGE friendship to another dear girl named Annie Dennis who is her age but taller
HUGE likeness to her mom, who is one of my heroes
HUGE little-finger-wrapping skills
HUGE maturity for someone so young
HUGE childlike-ness that will probably never leave
HUGE humility to an older sister that likes to be in charge
HUGE love
HUGE love
HUGE love

She is one of the most single lovable, kind, tender, cute, and small-HUGE girls I have ever known!

Jolly Holly

When I think of Holly Anderson, I think of

clean hair huge smile sparkling eyes adorable outfits definitely smitten with her husband always considerate of others willingly serving and loving it where others usually wouldn't inviting us over for dinner always endearing giggle making awesome cookies and awesome muffins and randomly bringing them by inviting us to a big party that we unfortunately couldn't go to but they came all the way to our house with said muffins to personally invite us up for a personal conversation anytime an awesome sister of many sisters plaid pleated skirts nursery kids love her campus operator uh hello that's like my dream job did i mention the happiest smile in the world younger sister submissive but still bold and individual purest testimony of the gospel comforting kind thoughtful remembering selfless tender softspoken complimentary forgiving loves sisters supportive of husband not afraid of trials awesome conversationalist rosy round cheeks unassuming will drop anything to help happy about everything sad about the right things smart smart smart patient with the impatient issues of this world

and also

one time holly's sister was on a triple date with two girls very dear to my heart who possess so many of the same qualities that holly does and there was an avalanche where they were snowshoeing and the next day holly was so so scared and worried about her sister but so so grateful that her sister was ok and the heartbreaking part of this story is that  because of holly's testimony i looked up the story and discovered that one of the girls so dear to my heart died in the avalanche which was so so sad and i lost it at church and even though my friend died and her sister lived holly had only tender hand pats and very sincere words and real covenant-keeping tears to shed with me while i mourned that dear friend

and that's a personal and devestating story once removed from me but my closest personal story

the one about my baby dying is one i sometimes feel like i am living alone and forgotten but when the anniversary of zoey's birth came around who was at our door with a bouquet of flowers that she obviously didn't buy that day when she remembered cus billy told her at church or something cus it was the sabbath and a plate of cookies that were obviously made beforehand but holly anderson and her selfless husband and they were there prepared to comfort us because they remembered and they are tender even though i'm pretty sure they had just barely met us when zoey died and that is why

i love holly anderson.

Win-Win

A good neighbor is a win-win, and Billy grew up with one and I have since noticed what a gem still lives across the street, an Irwin-win.

Her name is Annie Irwin and I know her only through Billy and his mom; but a few interactions and observations are enough to tell that she is a good soul.

1. She has a ton of sons (and maybe 1 daughter at the tail end?) but I always see them and her husband out in their driveway coming home from bike rides or doing various boy things. It's a boy family! But inside her house is clean and neat, fashionably decorated and well-maintained. She wears her womanhood with pride.

2. But oh how she loves those  boys! One of them came home from his mission recently, and we heard about her excitement from Billy's mom for a long time in advance and when we went to his open house welcome party, you could just see she was beaming with joy and love!

3. But of course, she has another son out right now. We also attended the opening of his mission call and there saw the same beaming joy of a proud mother. He is a good-natured, humble-hearted boy, as are his brothers. She raised her boys right.

4. Which I also know because even though I personally can't tell them apart or know which is which, we run into them frequently enough and they are always kind and polite, friendly and reminiscent with Billy. They were obviously good friends to him, a lesson probably taught to them by their friendly mother.

5. She is that friendly person for Billy's mom, who spends much of her time by herself, sad. But I've heard Cynthia praise Annie and have seen Annie in action; when Billy's mom broke her foot, who helped her get around and recover? Annie Irwin.

6. She is still beautiful and young, with good blonde hair, sparkling eyes and a mature smile.

Between raising a bunch of boys and serving the neighborhood, I can tell that Annie Irwin is one of the best of the best.

Dr. Life-Saver-Tenderhearted Drewes

It was no more than a 20 minute span from the time I was rolled into the delivery room to the time Zoey came into the world. In that time I went from a normal person 23 weeks pregnant to a frantic mother with no idea in the world what just happened. In that time at least 8 nurses and one doctor came into the room, one doctor who is still mostly a stranger but will always be very close to my heart.

I don't know what Dr. Peter Drewes likes to do in his spare time, I don't know what his favorite food is, how he came to be where he is today, or where he hopes to be someday. I don't really know anything about him other than the fact that he saved mine and my baby's life in a split second.

He's smart and he obviously studied very meticulously through his years of school. In a moment of crucial decision, he knew exactly how to make a 1 cm cut in my cervix, allowing just enough room for my baby's head, which came out last instead of first, to slip out. Not to mention that before that he knew exactly how to pull her out breach without any more serious damage than some bruises on her teeny legs.

He knew while wheeling me to the OR when I was shaking from cold and shock and who knows what else and sobbing to myself how foolish I had been to run that morning, that he needed to look me in my stranger eyes and tell me with all the firm compassion of a loving father that it wasn't my fault and I needed to stop saying that right now.

He knew what to tell me about the cut to my cervix, a cut he had never had to make in all his years as a delivery doctor and he also knew to tell me that he didn't have the answers, but he was going to help me. So tenderly, so straightforwardly so that even in my wretched and woeful state as my premature baby slept one floor above, I felt calm and trusting.

He of course didn't know what to say when Zoey died two days later. But he knew that he needed to visit me the next morning and hold my hand and tell me, tears in his eyes, how very sincerely sorry he was.

I wrote him a thank you note (how could I not? He saved me and my baby doing something he had only ever read about before) and when I went for my 6 week checkup, he answered all of our scared, worried and exhausted questions. He spoke to us like we were adults but comforted us like we were his own children. He mentioned the note as he was leaving and said, "You will be a great mom."

If I only he knew how much that comment meant to me then and now!

I may have been the first person Dr. Drewes had to make cervical cut for, but I was definitely not the first grieving mother he comforted; nonetheless, he made me and Billy feel like we were his most important priority and not just one on a list of mourning parents. I'm eternally grateful for his knowledge and quick thinking, but was even more impressed and thankful for his sincerity, realism and tenderness. Every doctor should try and be like Dr. Peter Drewes!

So Many Souls

Time to spotlight some souls, since as of late I have been inadvertently reminded of this "secret" (mostly still secret except for a few blog-stalking people who have stumbled upon it through the forgotten years:) ) blog. I feel an urgency to spotlight so many souls, but am also overwhelmed since the number of spotlightable souls that have entered my life has increased exponentially a thousandfold since last I wrote. But, of course, enough about me. Onto the spotlights!

Pete.

At my home on Topaz Drive I have a yellow dog
But even he, in preciousness, is not the topic of this blog
Rather, now, I'll focus on his grandpa with two feet
That steady neighbor up the road, even good ol' Pete

Pete Hamill is a kind old man, in my neighborhood
And his soul is the essence of the essence of all good
And every day he'd walk his dog right around our block
Passing our house without fail each day at 3 o' clock

For he would walk Jasper- or most times Jasper would walk him
For Pete did plod like Pluto and Jasper'd jump like Tiny Tim
I'd sometimes talk to them when I would go and get the mail
And they both would greet me with a smile- and the wag of a happy tail

And sometimes I'd be stretching, to go out on a run
Without fail he'd say something and tell me to have fun
And off I'd go, and blow past him, without a second thought
Never considering him or the physical wars he's fought

He is old now, but I think back then he was all but calm and slow
I bet when he would run it would be like one constant flow
So hearing now the echo of those words as I'd take off
I learn the lesson to keep going- you can't ever get enough


Sometimes while they were walking I would drive on past
And Pete would wave to me so slow, though I was going fast
I see know that the happiness in taking time to greet
Is something that brings joy to more than just one soul like Pete

You might think that people stay inside when it gets cold
Especially those bald walkers who are actually kind of old
But no, think again, when considering my friend Pete Hamill
Even in the winter, he'd walk up and down those hills

Pete and Jasper, Jasper and Peter, the regulars everyone knows
The consistency of the owner is the main point of this prose
For everyday Pete would take that dog out for his walk
To think he does it still brings me not a single shock

Though it should-and now you see, Pete's plod is getting slower
He doesn't respond like he once did to the tugging on his shoulder
For years he'd follow Jasper round, even if it was quite slow
Simply cus he loves his dog and his dog just loves it so

Topaz Drive still sees them, now they're a tamer pair
Jasper has calmed down- but they still have a wave to spare
Instead of tugging like when he was young, Jasper walks next to Pete
And Pete still walks the block, his dog's desire to always meet

The lesson here that I'll point out 'bout this tender soul
Is Pete is one who always gave his love to others in whole
Walking is hard, when you are old, and your dog is a jumpy pup
But when it comes to serving others, you just keep it up!

For one day when you are walking the familiar block of service
People will see you and recognize something they never noticed
You are out there everyday with the sick, afflicted, and hungry
Even if it means walking in the cold- you've been making someone happy

And after awhile they'll look again and tears will spring to their eyes
You'll teach them a lesson Pete taught me about selfless sacrifice
You see, when you walk that road, others tugging with demands
You sometimes give your own will up and do as He commands

Mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need
And later something will happen-miraculous indeed
Eventually those tugging souls whose service you did provide
Will--like Jasper did for Pete--slow, and walk by your side.